Never Settle for Mediocrity

"Know why I'm single? Because I refuse to settle. Once before I did, with detrimental results. I don't care how good the sex is, how many kids you have together, how financially well taken care of you are, if you're married, how important image is to you, or how lonely you feel, no one should settle for daily unhappiness. Being alone doesn't make you lonely. You may not be lonely, but you feel very alone. If I'm going to share myself with someone, that bastard will be worth it. *my sermon for the day*" 

I saw this on facebook this morning on someone's status. Oh...it was MINE. I created this status from inspiration from a "relationship" I found myself in recently. I really liked a guy who initially showed an interest in me. Everything started off great. He called and texted regularly. We'd talk for hours. There was no doubt in my mind that he was a good guy that really liked me for the person that I am. We laughed. We joked. We shared things with each other. We hung out. And then, things slowly started to change. I'd catch him in a lie. Then two. Then three. It was hurtful because he had no reason to lie to me. He understood that if he spoke the truth at the beginning, he wouldn't have gotten as far with me as he has. And that is a problem that I face daily in the "dating" world. Guys begin relationships upon shaky foundations of LIES and when the TRUTH comes about, everything begins to crumble. It's hard to believe what anyone ever says anymore once they are caught in a lie or two. 

With all that being said, I am single. I have made a conscious decision to stay that way and I have shut off the entryway into my heart until someone is truly and unselfishly willing to pay the toll. While I will miss him, I know that it is for the best. I have a low to zero tolerance for liars. I have absolutely no patience for sneakiness. I have a huge pet peeve for sometimey behavior. Don't be one way with me one day and then shady the next. 

I see people who are in unhealthy relationships for several reasons. "We have kids together and I can't do that to the kids." Look at what you ARE doing to the kids. Violent outbursts. Spiteful cursing. Screaming day in and day out. You think that is healthy for your kids to watch and hear? You think being in a 2-parent household is healthier when you're always yelling at each other? Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They typically put out what is put in. When you are arguing constantly and disrespecting each other, you are putting in them the message that that is a normal way to settle arguments. You are creating (or continuing) an unhealthy cycle that is not successful and hurts all involved, whether directly or indirectly. 

This is why I left my child's dad before my daughter was born. We got to the point where we argued everyday. We hated each other. I tried to make it work for the sake of our daughter, but I knew that nothing would change. I wanted to give her a fair shot in the world and I couldn't do that trying to maintain a relationship with her highly unstable father. Now, after moving back to my hometown, within a month, he came down to visit and I tried reconciling then, hoping that the time apart helped him rethink some things, but *fortunately*, it didn't. I gave up and I think that was the best thing I have done for my daughter. She may not have her father around, but she's happy.  

"I'd rather have a warm bed tonight." So. You're willing to accept ANYBODY because you don't want to be alone? This is usually a product of low self-worth or low self-esteem. You get your warmth for the night and end up having a "cold" day, if you know what I mean. This person doesn't love you. They know that you're willing to drop your standards (if you have any) just so that you can have company for a few hours. They are getting what they want: a free lay without the commitment. Unless you don't really care to be that *ahem* open...but usually, you do care. You've just hardened yourself up to act like you don't. 

I was guilty of this once upon a time. Breaking it off with my child's dad, a man that I really loved, was very hard on me and eventually took its toll. I was a single parent, something I never thought I would be, cleaning hotel rooms for a living, something I never thought I would do, and hated my life. I was in a bad mental place and I allowed men to say and do whatever because I was trying to fill a void, an emptiness in my heart, left by my child's dad. I knew I was worth more than these guys were treating me, but my need to feel loved was greater. I'm SO glad I got out of that horrific phase in my life. 

"If we break up, what will everybody say? What will they think?" WHO CARES?! This is YOUR relationship. YOUR life. YOUR feelings. YOUR emotions. YOUR HAPPINESS! Don't worry about some f***in' image that society has brainwashed us with thinking that {THIS} is the way {OUR} happiness should be. Screw what others think! You are the master of your universe. Take freakin' control of the wheel. If you're not content with your relationship, try to work it out, and if it doesn't, LEAVE! No one is forcing you to stay unhappy!

I was very guilty of this as well. I dated my first boyfriend for 5 years. Two of them, I looked at him on a platonic level. He was a great guy. Sweet, caring, attentive, and thoughtful. Everything a girl with sense would want in a man. But somehow, I didn't feel....satisfied. I was content...but I wasn't happy. I was naive and curious about being with other guys, like dating around and weighing my options. But because we had dated all throughout college and we got along so well, people thought we would get married and have this awesome life together. I didn't know how to get out of it at 23 without hurting him and disappointing everyone else. Eventually, I had to. I regret hurting him but I knew if I would have stayed, I would have caused more damage. 

"I don't know how to leave. The sex is just SO GOOD." This is by far one of the STUPIDEST (yes, I typed a non-existent word) reasons to stay in a relationship. D*** and p**** shouldn't be why one should stay in a relationship. While I understand how sex rules the world and makes people say and do dumb things, you should have a stronger foundation than "the sex is the bomb." A lot of people think that they won't be able to find someone as good to lay them, which is why they stay with Mr. Jerk, Mr. Bipolar, Ms. Ghetto, Ms. Ratchet, etc. etc. "Man, I don't know ANYBODY that can give me h*** like Ms. Chickenhead." "Giiiiirl, no one lays the pipe down the way Mr. Emotionally Unavailable can!" Read those 2 sentences again. Tell me they're not DUMB. Unless you have had sex with every single person on this planet, you can't possibly say some ignorant sh*t like that and believe it to be true. Penises and vaginas are everywhere. Quality isn't.

Again. I am guilty. My child's father knew how to have great sex. With unexperienced me, I didn't have much to compare it to. I was enamored. I should have left him early in our relationship for a plethora of reasons, but I didn't because I was...whipped. Could I find someone else that would give me such satisfaction as him? I scared myself into thinking that I couldn't. I knew long after that pretty much the ONLY reason he was so good at it was not because he had so much experience or that he was such a pleaser in bed...nope. It was because that was ALL HE HAD TO OFFER. Beware of the man whose only gift to you is his penis.

"I'm married." SO?! I don't have some cute little anecdote about this excuse because I have never been married. However, throughout my observations, marriage shouldn't equate to acceptance of domestic violence. Pain. Hurt. Sadness. Cheating. Marriage is a relationship with legal responsibilities behind it but that doesn't mean accept bullshit behind having a ring. Yes, there is that whole "for better or worse" line in those generalized vows, but does that mean settle for a man hitting you? Disrespecting you and calling you out of your name? What about in front of your kids? Cheating on you, not once, but frequently? The list goes on and on. Some things, once the trust is broken, it can't be fixed. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, despite the world we live in. However, a ring and a piece of paper shouldn't tell you that now, you are imprisoned to a life of settling for crap. 

I have allowed men to come into my world and hurt me. I used to joke that maybe I was a glutton for punishment. As I get older, I realize that my patience for "Tom Foolery" is pretty thin. I deserve ALL of a man, nothing less than 100%. If I'm willing to give my all to someone, dammit, I deserve all of that in return. I don't ask for much. If you're not willing to be full-time, then I shouldn't give you any of my time. I am still learning this. While I can come across as being a no-nonsense, headstrong kind of woman, I still have a desire to be loved. However....

...NEVER settle.