Black Woman Attitude

I was part of a discussion on Facebook that focused on "Black woman attitude." I have heard this so often and as a Black woman, it really annoys me. Why do you not hear of the "White woman attitude?" The "Latin woman attitude?" "The Asian woman attitude?" It's like "ATTITUDE" is solely a Black woman thing and it's always depicted in a negative manner. Black men are quick to say that Black women have "attitude problems" and that's a big reason why they run to other races. I find that hurtful and quite offensive. So I sat and really thought about this "PHENOMENON" called the "BLACK WOMAN ATTITUDE." Naturally, I wrote a poem about it. Like to read it, here it go: 

They say that Black women have a lot of attitude
That we walk around like we're in a bad mood
No man hurts us the way the Black man does
So the basis of our "attitude" is simply because...
If we're too strong, then we scare away men
If that's the case, doesn't it make them weak then?
If we're too meek, then we get run the hell over,
Getting knocked down like Red Rover, Red Rover
If we speak our minds, then we have a fly mouth
"That's not how to get a man in the deep South!"
If we hide our thoughts, then we must be clueless
If we don't know how to cook, then we must be useless
If we don't sleep with you, we're probably gay
If we do, then we've become an easy lay
You tell your homies how we put it down in bed
Sharing all the details of how we gave, gave, gave you some head
If we do the same, oh, we talk too damn much
Bumping our gums, gossiping and such
If we openly express our sexual freedom
Then we deserve what "cums" since "we so dumb"
But if we're hesitant and seem a little rude
Then all of a sudden, we're stuck up prudes
If we have unprotected sex due to broken latex
And an unplanned pregnancy comes up next,
And we decide to keep the kid, then we're stupid whores
But if we decide to kill the kid, then we're running from consequences' doors
If we're gay, it's because a Black man has "done us wrong"
If we're celibate, it's because the right one (umm you?) hadn't come along
If we play the game like a playa, then we're skanks and hoes
But if we get played, it's our fault because it's the men we chose
If we've been single for years, it's because we're too picky
But if we jump from man to man, then all we're worth is a quickie
If we don't accept your bullshit, then we have attitude
If we do, then bitterness accrues and our outlook is screwed
If we expect more, then we're unappreciative
But if we accept less than, then what kind of life is that to live?
If we love with all our soul, then it's taken for granted
So it's hard to open up again because we've become disenchanted
We create walls to protect our hearts from pain
And men are too lazy to work for the gain
If we make them earn it, they get bored and disappear
To be vulnerable is a feeling that most men fear
If we make it too easy, then they search for more of a challenge
Carelessly taking what they want like a dirty syringe
If we date outside our race, then we couldn't handle the Black men
Yet they throw other races in our faces time and time again
If we speak properly and use correct English, we wanna be White
If we speak Ebonics and other slang, then we're ghetto and don't appear too bright
If we utilize an extensive vocabulary, we're uppity
If we dumb down our language, suddenly, we're dumb and ditzy
If we wear our hair natural, it looks nappy to you
If we use creamy crack, we're catering to the "White view"
Beaten by our Black men, hurt and lied to
We have no equal we can talk and cry to
If we stay in abuse, we're weak and settling
Our love's not enough; it seems unwelcoming
But if we leave, then we've abandoned them
Left them alone for others to condemn
If we lose our job, we apply for welfare
Oh the burden the taxpayers must bear!
We need some help to get back on our feet
So we get food stamps so that our children can eat
Using our EBT, we have folks looking down on us
"How you gonna carry all that food on the city bus?"
Now if we kept our pride, we would be hungry
"Willing to give us money to help me and my family?"
We're looked at as welfare queens and ratchet sluts
Walking around, big hips, thighs, and big ol' butts
Stereotypes weigh heavily and they're hard to remove
Leaving chips on our shoulders, messing up our groove
Forget all of us that actually speak with some sense
We don't all have "stank attitudes" when we come to our defense
We don't all aspire to be the next trashy reality star
Some of us actually have aspirations to take us pretty far
Most of us want the love of a strong Black man
No one should understand us the way that he can
Sadly, they don't make him the way they used to
Self-hatred makes them prefer a lighter hue
If they do want a Black woman, they want one with no voice
So to the strong Black woman, we're left with little choice
Damned if we don't, damned if we do
So excuse me if you think we have attitude!

(Copywritten so don't try to steal my work, thanks!). 

Being a Black woman is a catch-22. No matter what we say or do, it's never enough. We carry so many burdens and people wonder why we're so TOUGH. 

LIFE HAS MADE US THIS WAY. 

Finding Love: A Letter to my Daughter

My dear sweet Tatyana,

Made of sugar, spice, and something not so nice...I write this letter to help you in your journey, whenever you're ready to open up to love. I write this as a 30-year old that has never found love. Yet. Surely I have loved but I've never received it back. Does it make me sad? Sure, sometimes. I look at love around me but it's never with me. I don't want you to endure the hurt that accompanies unrequited love. I don't want you to waste your heart on someone who won't treasure it. I don't want you to give time to someone who will only waste it.

1. Find out if they are married. Married men are dangerous. They know what it takes to capture a woman's heart. They'll say what you want and need to hear. Married men will make plenty of time for you--when it's convenient for them. You are nothing more than their convenience. They may care deeply for you. They might actually love you. But not in the way you want them to. The love you are hoping from them has already been given away to someone that has their heart, last name, kid(s), bank account, time, etc. They very rarely leave their wives for their "other" women. Don't ever think for a second that they will because if you get caught up in that mentality, you'll be waiting forever for something that wasn't going to happen in the first place. Their lies are slick. Don't give your heart to a married man because he could never give you his while he's married. Karma WORKS. You never want to one day be the unsuspecting wife.

2. If a man ever puts his hands on you, LEAVE. Don't wait around hoping he'll change because there is a slim to none chance that he will. A man who hits you does NOT love you nor does he respect you. The longer you stay, the more your spirit will be broken. Physical scars go but it can take a lifetime for your spirit to heal, if it ever does. Don't allow a man to break your spirit. Don't waste your energy on a man who gives you more tears than smiles.

3. Look at how he treats his mom and/or grandmother(s). If he disrespects either, do NOT date him. He'll probably treat you worse.

4. Let a man SHOW you that he's worth the trouble. It's easy to fall in love with sweet words full of empty hope and promises. However, words are void if the actions don't coincide. If he can't show you that it hurts him to be without you, don't waste your time. You are beautiful, smart, and funny and you deserve someone who will not only acknowledge this daily, but also show you that he NEEDS you in his life. He needs to earn your love because it's priceless. Remember that.

5. Choose a man who isn't ashamed of you. Someone who is proud to be seen with you and show you off. Someone who will introduce you to his mother and best friend. Someone who will hold your hand in public. Someone who will kiss the top of your forehead just because.

6. Choose a man who will make time for you, even if it's midnight during the work week. You should be able to call him at any time on any phone number he has, whether it's his cell, work, or home. If he truly loves you and has nothing to hide, you will have each of these numbers. You deserve a man who will listen when you need an ear. Someone who will put others to the side to comfort you, within reason.

7. Facebook is the devil. It helps people do shady things within relationships. Don't allow online ANYTHING get in the way of having a healthy relationship. You should be able to showcase your love on his page without fear of "someone else" seeing it. If he hesitates in any way, shape, or form about you posting anything regarding the relationship on his page, chances are, he's hiding something and even bigger chances are, it's you. Don't ever be someone's little secret (refer to #5).

8. Your gut seldom lies. If you have unsettling, uneasy feelings about a man, please don't ignore them. Use your common sense. Many times, women won't see past what they want and end up ignoring red flags. Then, they wonder why their men "changed on them." People have ways of showing you exactly who they are if you truly pay attention. Open your eyes, use your mind. You'd be proud of all the bullets you can dodge.

9. Don't ever think you have to sleep with a man to prove how much you like/love him. Empty sex is pointless. Sex hurts when it's one-sided. A man who can't or won't respect your morals, values, and beliefs is undeserving of your time. You stick by what you believe and never waver. If he truly wants you, he'll wait for you when you are ready. He'll never pressure you into doing something you're not ready for because if he does, YOU are going to be the one feeling awful while he goes about his life without a second thought about you and your feelings.

10. Choose a man that you feel you can bring home to family and be proud of. Look at him closely. Will he be a good provider? Is he a hard worker? Is he determined? Motivated? Ambitious? WILL HE BE A GOOD FATHER? If I had a child, will he/she be able to look up to him? Will he love me more than I love him? Do we share similar hopes and dreams? How does he handle difficult situations? Does he believe in God? Is he reliable? Is he a good friend to me? How does he interact with the people I love? Does he make me feel that I'm the only woman he wants to be with? If we were to have a child together and we broke up, would he still be involved? These are some vital questions you should ask yourself before opening your heart to a man.

I hope that when you decide to love, you really consider these points when it comes to finding love. Many men will present themselves as being "the one" deserving of your heart but if you wait long enough, they'll show their true colors. I didn't have anyone to guide me on the road to love so I ended up taking wrong turns that dead-ended to hurt and pain. I'm very guarded. No one has taken the time to love me but with you, because it's still early for you, take my words of advice and I can assure you, someone is going to appreciate your worth. In the words of K-Ci and JoJo, "Don't rush. Take love slowly." It will truly be worth it. I promise.

Love (truly),
Mama

K-Ci & JoJo: Don't Rush (Take Love Slowly)