Just a brief rant. I cried quietly today as I held my crying daughter. Why? Because she's been trying to call her dad for weeks and he's not answering his phone or returning any of her calls. She's only 5. Today, she called him and I knew he wouldn't answer, just like the other times, but I won't keep her from trying. She leaves a message saying, "Hey daddy, I miss you and I love you and I want you to come see me." She gives me the phone and she says, "He NEVER answers his phone." She goes to lay on the couch and I hear her sniffling. I tell her to come to me and I see tears in her eyes. I ask her what's wrong, even though I already knew. "Daddy never calls me back. I just want him to call me back." How do I take this pain away? How can I prevent these tears from forming? I can't stop this hurt and I feel helpless.
I know this feeling of abandonment...this feeling of not being wanted. And nothing truly ever makes it go away. You can suppress the feeling but in the back of your mind and heart, you wonder WHY. Was I not good enough? Did you not love me? Why did you leave me? It's a terrible feeling of unbearable pain and I hate that my daughter is feeling this way just because her dad can't stand ME. He's ruining THEIR relationship because of his misguided and selfish feelings regarding ME. It bothers me because it bothers my daughter. I don't care for him in the least bit and know that it's best that he isn't around but for my daughter's sake, I hate that because she has this weird attachment to him (saying he hasn't been involved much since her birth).
I can always find a "replacement" father for her. I can find someone that could be a good role model and stepfather for her but no matter what, that person will never be her biological father. The sad thing is, the person her dad is right now, he'll NEVER step up and be the man and father to his child that he should naturally be. And I'm the one that has to watch her cry, feel her pain, and try to comfort her. It pisses me off but what can I do? He was my choice once upon a time and because of it, my daughter has to suffer. And that breaks my heart.
A poem I wrote for my daughter in hopes that my presence makes up for her dad's absence:
Me and You
*I used his first name but omitted his last name. Trying to protect most of his identity but really, what other Takiyo do you know? And by the way, this isn't slander because it's all true.
I know this feeling of abandonment...this feeling of not being wanted. And nothing truly ever makes it go away. You can suppress the feeling but in the back of your mind and heart, you wonder WHY. Was I not good enough? Did you not love me? Why did you leave me? It's a terrible feeling of unbearable pain and I hate that my daughter is feeling this way just because her dad can't stand ME. He's ruining THEIR relationship because of his misguided and selfish feelings regarding ME. It bothers me because it bothers my daughter. I don't care for him in the least bit and know that it's best that he isn't around but for my daughter's sake, I hate that because she has this weird attachment to him (saying he hasn't been involved much since her birth).
I can always find a "replacement" father for her. I can find someone that could be a good role model and stepfather for her but no matter what, that person will never be her biological father. The sad thing is, the person her dad is right now, he'll NEVER step up and be the man and father to his child that he should naturally be. And I'm the one that has to watch her cry, feel her pain, and try to comfort her. It pisses me off but what can I do? He was my choice once upon a time and because of it, my daughter has to suffer. And that breaks my heart.
A poem I wrote for my daughter in hopes that my presence makes up for her dad's absence:
Me and You
*I used his first name but omitted his last name. Trying to protect most of his identity but really, what other Takiyo do you know? And by the way, this isn't slander because it's all true.
