My dear sweet Tatyana,
Made of sugar, spice, and something not so nice...I write this letter to help you in your journey, whenever you're ready to open up to love. I write this as a 30-year old that has never found love. Yet. Surely I have loved but I've never received it back. Does it make me sad? Sure, sometimes. I look at love around me but it's never with me. I don't want you to endure the hurt that accompanies unrequited love. I don't want you to waste your heart on someone who won't treasure it. I don't want you to give time to someone who will only waste it.
1. Find out if they are married. Married men are dangerous. They know what it takes to capture a woman's heart. They'll say what you want and need to hear. Married men will make plenty of time for you--when it's convenient for them. You are nothing more than their convenience. They may care deeply for you. They might actually love you. But not in the way you want them to. The love you are hoping from them has already been given away to someone that has their heart, last name, kid(s), bank account, time, etc. They very rarely leave their wives for their "other" women. Don't ever think for a second that they will because if you get caught up in that mentality, you'll be waiting forever for something that wasn't going to happen in the first place. Their lies are slick. Don't give your heart to a married man because he could never give you his while he's married. Karma WORKS. You never want to one day be the unsuspecting wife.
2. If a man ever puts his hands on you, LEAVE. Don't wait around hoping he'll change because there is a slim to none chance that he will. A man who hits you does NOT love you nor does he respect you. The longer you stay, the more your spirit will be broken. Physical scars go but it can take a lifetime for your spirit to heal, if it ever does. Don't allow a man to break your spirit. Don't waste your energy on a man who gives you more tears than smiles.
3. Look at how he treats his mom and/or grandmother(s). If he disrespects either, do NOT date him. He'll probably treat you worse.
4. Let a man SHOW you that he's worth the trouble. It's easy to fall in love with sweet words full of empty hope and promises. However, words are void if the actions don't coincide. If he can't show you that it hurts him to be without you, don't waste your time. You are beautiful, smart, and funny and you deserve someone who will not only acknowledge this daily, but also show you that he NEEDS you in his life. He needs to earn your love because it's priceless. Remember that.
5. Choose a man who isn't ashamed of you. Someone who is proud to be seen with you and show you off. Someone who will introduce you to his mother and best friend. Someone who will hold your hand in public. Someone who will kiss the top of your forehead just because.
6. Choose a man who will make time for you, even if it's midnight during the work week. You should be able to call him at any time on any phone number he has, whether it's his cell, work, or home. If he truly loves you and has nothing to hide, you will have each of these numbers. You deserve a man who will listen when you need an ear. Someone who will put others to the side to comfort you, within reason.
7. Facebook is the devil. It helps people do shady things within relationships. Don't allow online ANYTHING get in the way of having a healthy relationship. You should be able to showcase your love on his page without fear of "someone else" seeing it. If he hesitates in any way, shape, or form about you posting anything regarding the relationship on his page, chances are, he's hiding something and even bigger chances are, it's you. Don't ever be someone's little secret (refer to #5).
8. Your gut seldom lies. If you have unsettling, uneasy feelings about a man, please don't ignore them. Use your common sense. Many times, women won't see past what they want and end up ignoring red flags. Then, they wonder why their men "changed on them." People have ways of showing you exactly who they are if you truly pay attention. Open your eyes, use your mind. You'd be proud of all the bullets you can dodge.
9. Don't ever think you have to sleep with a man to prove how much you like/love him. Empty sex is pointless. Sex hurts when it's one-sided. A man who can't or won't respect your morals, values, and beliefs is undeserving of your time. You stick by what you believe and never waver. If he truly wants you, he'll wait for you when you are ready. He'll never pressure you into doing something you're not ready for because if he does, YOU are going to be the one feeling awful while he goes about his life without a second thought about you and your feelings.
10. Choose a man that you feel you can bring home to family and be proud of. Look at him closely. Will he be a good provider? Is he a hard worker? Is he determined? Motivated? Ambitious? WILL HE BE A GOOD FATHER? If I had a child, will he/she be able to look up to him? Will he love me more than I love him? Do we share similar hopes and dreams? How does he handle difficult situations? Does he believe in God? Is he reliable? Is he a good friend to me? How does he interact with the people I love? Does he make me feel that I'm the only woman he wants to be with? If we were to have a child together and we broke up, would he still be involved? These are some vital questions you should ask yourself before opening your heart to a man.
I hope that when you decide to love, you really consider these points when it comes to finding love. Many men will present themselves as being "the one" deserving of your heart but if you wait long enough, they'll show their true colors. I didn't have anyone to guide me on the road to love so I ended up taking wrong turns that dead-ended to hurt and pain. I'm very guarded. No one has taken the time to love me but with you, because it's still early for you, take my words of advice and I can assure you, someone is going to appreciate your worth. In the words of K-Ci and JoJo, "Don't rush. Take love slowly." It will truly be worth it. I promise.
Love (truly),
Mama
K-Ci & JoJo: Don't Rush (Take Love Slowly)
Made of sugar, spice, and something not so nice...I write this letter to help you in your journey, whenever you're ready to open up to love. I write this as a 30-year old that has never found love. Yet. Surely I have loved but I've never received it back. Does it make me sad? Sure, sometimes. I look at love around me but it's never with me. I don't want you to endure the hurt that accompanies unrequited love. I don't want you to waste your heart on someone who won't treasure it. I don't want you to give time to someone who will only waste it.
1. Find out if they are married. Married men are dangerous. They know what it takes to capture a woman's heart. They'll say what you want and need to hear. Married men will make plenty of time for you--when it's convenient for them. You are nothing more than their convenience. They may care deeply for you. They might actually love you. But not in the way you want them to. The love you are hoping from them has already been given away to someone that has their heart, last name, kid(s), bank account, time, etc. They very rarely leave their wives for their "other" women. Don't ever think for a second that they will because if you get caught up in that mentality, you'll be waiting forever for something that wasn't going to happen in the first place. Their lies are slick. Don't give your heart to a married man because he could never give you his while he's married. Karma WORKS. You never want to one day be the unsuspecting wife.
2. If a man ever puts his hands on you, LEAVE. Don't wait around hoping he'll change because there is a slim to none chance that he will. A man who hits you does NOT love you nor does he respect you. The longer you stay, the more your spirit will be broken. Physical scars go but it can take a lifetime for your spirit to heal, if it ever does. Don't allow a man to break your spirit. Don't waste your energy on a man who gives you more tears than smiles.
3. Look at how he treats his mom and/or grandmother(s). If he disrespects either, do NOT date him. He'll probably treat you worse.
4. Let a man SHOW you that he's worth the trouble. It's easy to fall in love with sweet words full of empty hope and promises. However, words are void if the actions don't coincide. If he can't show you that it hurts him to be without you, don't waste your time. You are beautiful, smart, and funny and you deserve someone who will not only acknowledge this daily, but also show you that he NEEDS you in his life. He needs to earn your love because it's priceless. Remember that.
5. Choose a man who isn't ashamed of you. Someone who is proud to be seen with you and show you off. Someone who will introduce you to his mother and best friend. Someone who will hold your hand in public. Someone who will kiss the top of your forehead just because.
6. Choose a man who will make time for you, even if it's midnight during the work week. You should be able to call him at any time on any phone number he has, whether it's his cell, work, or home. If he truly loves you and has nothing to hide, you will have each of these numbers. You deserve a man who will listen when you need an ear. Someone who will put others to the side to comfort you, within reason.
7. Facebook is the devil. It helps people do shady things within relationships. Don't allow online ANYTHING get in the way of having a healthy relationship. You should be able to showcase your love on his page without fear of "someone else" seeing it. If he hesitates in any way, shape, or form about you posting anything regarding the relationship on his page, chances are, he's hiding something and even bigger chances are, it's you. Don't ever be someone's little secret (refer to #5).
8. Your gut seldom lies. If you have unsettling, uneasy feelings about a man, please don't ignore them. Use your common sense. Many times, women won't see past what they want and end up ignoring red flags. Then, they wonder why their men "changed on them." People have ways of showing you exactly who they are if you truly pay attention. Open your eyes, use your mind. You'd be proud of all the bullets you can dodge.
9. Don't ever think you have to sleep with a man to prove how much you like/love him. Empty sex is pointless. Sex hurts when it's one-sided. A man who can't or won't respect your morals, values, and beliefs is undeserving of your time. You stick by what you believe and never waver. If he truly wants you, he'll wait for you when you are ready. He'll never pressure you into doing something you're not ready for because if he does, YOU are going to be the one feeling awful while he goes about his life without a second thought about you and your feelings.
10. Choose a man that you feel you can bring home to family and be proud of. Look at him closely. Will he be a good provider? Is he a hard worker? Is he determined? Motivated? Ambitious? WILL HE BE A GOOD FATHER? If I had a child, will he/she be able to look up to him? Will he love me more than I love him? Do we share similar hopes and dreams? How does he handle difficult situations? Does he believe in God? Is he reliable? Is he a good friend to me? How does he interact with the people I love? Does he make me feel that I'm the only woman he wants to be with? If we were to have a child together and we broke up, would he still be involved? These are some vital questions you should ask yourself before opening your heart to a man.
I hope that when you decide to love, you really consider these points when it comes to finding love. Many men will present themselves as being "the one" deserving of your heart but if you wait long enough, they'll show their true colors. I didn't have anyone to guide me on the road to love so I ended up taking wrong turns that dead-ended to hurt and pain. I'm very guarded. No one has taken the time to love me but with you, because it's still early for you, take my words of advice and I can assure you, someone is going to appreciate your worth. In the words of K-Ci and JoJo, "Don't rush. Take love slowly." It will truly be worth it. I promise.
Love (truly),
Mama
K-Ci & JoJo: Don't Rush (Take Love Slowly)
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