Liars. One type of person that I seriously cannot stand. People who lie about any and everything and for no real reason!
Men. I enjoy them. But I can't stand them. They tire me. But I like being around them. My feelings for men are highly contradictory and therefore, confusing.
Lying men. I effin' hate them. With a passion. I can't stand them, I hate being around them, and I wish they would go play in traffic.
I never pursue men. Ever. I have this thing against rejection. I'm relatively fearless when it comes to certain aspects of my life but to make the first move on a guy I'm interested in? Scared shitless. So when a guy that I'm interested in pursues me, I get the warm tingly feeling, the chaotic butterflies, and my brain goes to mush. If the guy is what I'm looking for, it makes being appealing that much more difficult because while I got his attention, I definitely want to keep it. We talk and we begin sharing our past experiences and what we are looking for now in a partner. Of course, I begin to share how men have hurt me and I have trust issues yet I have the desire to trust another man fully. So of course, the guy is sympathetic and wants to prove he's not like the others. He doesn't want to be one of the ones who has hurt me and is now in a box labeled "TRASH."
So how did he end up there?
Even though I have told him about my past with men and the lies that have created my distrust, he has lied to me knowingly and is very sneaky. I am very observant so when things go from one thing to another, whether drastically or gradually, it raises red flags. I don't want to be that overly emotional, nagging, always bitching kind of woman but the need to know what's up is overwhelming. The fact that he knows my issues with lying and dishonesty and continues to be sneaky, to lie, and avoids easing my thoughts shows me that I am not important enough to be truthful to. And it hurts. A lot.
When you invest so much time and energy with a person who isn't returning the same, the pain from it all can be pretty damn unbearable. Losing sleep behind someone who isn't wasting one brain cell thinking of you is annoying as hell. Constantly wondering what he's doing because once upon a time, you trusted him and now you can't... You think this guy could possibly be someone, under the right circumstances, you can spend a lot of time with in the future...but now, you wonder what he even thinks about you anymore. He says sweet things but you feel he says them, not being genuine, but to keep you right where he wants you. Available. And convenient.
With all that being said, I'm slowly backing off because I can't go cold turkey. While I don't love him, I have love for him and I care about him, even though I feel it's not reciprocated. I have to gradually wean myself off of him because it's not the same as it was in the beginning. It makes me sad thinking about it. Another one bites the dust. Unfortunately, that is my life story!
A quote that reminds me of this current situation: "Never put a man as a priority when he only makes you an option." No doubt.
(courtesy of Google images)
Men. I enjoy them. But I can't stand them. They tire me. But I like being around them. My feelings for men are highly contradictory and therefore, confusing.
Lying men. I effin' hate them. With a passion. I can't stand them, I hate being around them, and I wish they would go play in traffic.
I never pursue men. Ever. I have this thing against rejection. I'm relatively fearless when it comes to certain aspects of my life but to make the first move on a guy I'm interested in? Scared shitless. So when a guy that I'm interested in pursues me, I get the warm tingly feeling, the chaotic butterflies, and my brain goes to mush. If the guy is what I'm looking for, it makes being appealing that much more difficult because while I got his attention, I definitely want to keep it. We talk and we begin sharing our past experiences and what we are looking for now in a partner. Of course, I begin to share how men have hurt me and I have trust issues yet I have the desire to trust another man fully. So of course, the guy is sympathetic and wants to prove he's not like the others. He doesn't want to be one of the ones who has hurt me and is now in a box labeled "TRASH."
So how did he end up there?
Even though I have told him about my past with men and the lies that have created my distrust, he has lied to me knowingly and is very sneaky. I am very observant so when things go from one thing to another, whether drastically or gradually, it raises red flags. I don't want to be that overly emotional, nagging, always bitching kind of woman but the need to know what's up is overwhelming. The fact that he knows my issues with lying and dishonesty and continues to be sneaky, to lie, and avoids easing my thoughts shows me that I am not important enough to be truthful to. And it hurts. A lot.
When you invest so much time and energy with a person who isn't returning the same, the pain from it all can be pretty damn unbearable. Losing sleep behind someone who isn't wasting one brain cell thinking of you is annoying as hell. Constantly wondering what he's doing because once upon a time, you trusted him and now you can't... You think this guy could possibly be someone, under the right circumstances, you can spend a lot of time with in the future...but now, you wonder what he even thinks about you anymore. He says sweet things but you feel he says them, not being genuine, but to keep you right where he wants you. Available. And convenient.
With all that being said, I'm slowly backing off because I can't go cold turkey. While I don't love him, I have love for him and I care about him, even though I feel it's not reciprocated. I have to gradually wean myself off of him because it's not the same as it was in the beginning. It makes me sad thinking about it. Another one bites the dust. Unfortunately, that is my life story!
A quote that reminds me of this current situation: "Never put a man as a priority when he only makes you an option." No doubt.
so true
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