I sit here looking through facebook at friends I went to high school and college with, most in their late 20s, early 30s, and sometimes, I feel a pang of jealousy. It's quite sad actually. Why feel jealous? Well...once upon a time, I had a great life. I had it all planned out like normal teenage girls. My pursuit to happiness? Graduate from high school with honors. Go to college. Graduate with a good GPA. Find a good job. Get a good man. Date. Get married. Nice home. Preferably with a lot of land...grass, trees. Make a couple of babies. Be happy. Well. I graduated from high school with honors. I went to college. I graduated with a B average GPA (could have been higher but I screwed around my first semester royally and like a credit score, once it's down, it's hard to get it back up). I found a good job, (along with a new car, new apartment, new furniture, new city). Made a baby. ***SCREEEEEECH*** WHAT? What happened to all that in between stuff, like that good man and a nice home? Like the hopscotch of life, my rock landed on "get a good man" and I hopped right over it.
I am 30 years old and I am nowhere near where I am supposed to be. If I sit idly long enough, it makes me really sad. I was always the good girl, the good-hearted girl, the girl with the good head on her shoulders. And I allowed a man to come in and destroy what I worked hard for. It's hard not to blame him. But I don't place sole blame on him. I am an intelligent woman. My gut was screaming at me but I kept shutting it up. I couldn't see past what I wanted. And that burning desire cost me the life I planned for myself. At least temporarily.
I struggle daily to obtain a life I once had. I hurt when I think about how he came into my world and crushed my hopes and dreams because he didn't have any. He stole my life because his was pretty worthless. And I allowed it all to happen.
So how did I allow this person to do that? Was it a lack of guidance? Was it a lack of a strong male role model? Was it because of child abuse? Why did I make such a horrible decision in a male that affected my world so crazily? Why did I leave such a good man for such a shitty one? One word comes to mind: LOVE. Or should I say "infatuation?" Either way, I cared so much for this guy that I was willing to place the life I built on the side of the road so that we could continue on together as a couple. Six years later, I look back and realize how effin' STUPID I was.
My best friend tells me all the time that I need to stop comparing myself to others. And that's true. I do need to stop that. But I can't help it. Why do things come so easily for some people? Why are there some people who have no idea what hard work really is? What struggling really is? Why are there some women who have never been hurt by men before and are blessed with such good men? Why not me?
The choices you make today affect your tomorrow in some way, shape, or form. Take it from me: Choose wisely.
I am 30 years old and I am nowhere near where I am supposed to be. If I sit idly long enough, it makes me really sad. I was always the good girl, the good-hearted girl, the girl with the good head on her shoulders. And I allowed a man to come in and destroy what I worked hard for. It's hard not to blame him. But I don't place sole blame on him. I am an intelligent woman. My gut was screaming at me but I kept shutting it up. I couldn't see past what I wanted. And that burning desire cost me the life I planned for myself. At least temporarily.
I struggle daily to obtain a life I once had. I hurt when I think about how he came into my world and crushed my hopes and dreams because he didn't have any. He stole my life because his was pretty worthless. And I allowed it all to happen.
So how did I allow this person to do that? Was it a lack of guidance? Was it a lack of a strong male role model? Was it because of child abuse? Why did I make such a horrible decision in a male that affected my world so crazily? Why did I leave such a good man for such a shitty one? One word comes to mind: LOVE. Or should I say "infatuation?" Either way, I cared so much for this guy that I was willing to place the life I built on the side of the road so that we could continue on together as a couple. Six years later, I look back and realize how effin' STUPID I was.
My best friend tells me all the time that I need to stop comparing myself to others. And that's true. I do need to stop that. But I can't help it. Why do things come so easily for some people? Why are there some people who have no idea what hard work really is? What struggling really is? Why are there some women who have never been hurt by men before and are blessed with such good men? Why not me?
The choices you make today affect your tomorrow in some way, shape, or form. Take it from me: Choose wisely.
That hopscotch analogy :-)
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